In 2018, I declared so many things over my life that one could say were positive or progressive; but guess what “Tomorrow is a mystery” and so was everything that had happened to me over the past few months were hard to believe they were real. I had found a perfect job in a creative working space with the most creative-minded people but little did I know how my life would have another huge setback, a life-changing one and most definitely depressing.
A month after I was hired at this new job I had to go for my last operation (Post Ventral Hernia Repair). The operation was successful; however, a month later I could feel that I had not fully recovered. I noticed that I was often feeling dizzy, forgetful, shaking badly, body temperature fluctuating, and for a morning person like myself, I was struggling to wake up and look forward to a new day.
Because of the nature of my body and what had happened to me before I didn’t want to speculate with regards to my body reaction; instead I went to see a private doctor who examined me and wrote out a letter to my employer stating that I need to urgently visit the hospital due to my severe anaemia.
I decided it was best to go to the hospital that had previously done all my surgeries and saved my life a number of times. Without any hesitation, they took blood tests and found that I have severe anaemia like the private doctor had diagnosed. A week later I was back to work taking all the anaemia medication that I was given by the hospital but still I would feel sick, the dizziness and nausea were becoming worse, and most of the time I was under the work desk sleeping. It felt like my heart was slowly sinking and a few weeks later I noticed that I had lost a lot of weight. My sister came to look after me and it was then that she found out that I had been taking the wrong medication. Unfortunately by that time I had resigned from work and had decided it was for the best to put my health first.
Ever since then I have not been the happiest person. I slowly distanced myself from God and literally put a pause on my spiritual growth. I often feel sad and ask myself: “Why me? How I got to where I am now God? Where were you when all of this happened? How did I get to the point where I was compromising my values and faith in Christ?”
I can easily say that at this point in my life I could not figure myself out. I was emotional, aggressive, sad, lonely, forgetful, and in deep pain – It had become a lifestyle of emotional and physical pain. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be capable of doing anything big, I mean the work life, starting my own initiative, a married life, having a family one day. Then I remembered that there is God and through it all, he is still with me and he will do what only he can do when the time is right.
I have been told many times that I need to consult a physiotherapist and a psychologist. Yes, I agree I have to but one can only get to see such specialists when they can afford them. In the meantime, I have decided to train myself the best and safest way I can until I can afford them.
Emotionally I cope through reading inspiring books by mostly Christian authors, I do motivational speaking, photoshoots and through social media, I write honest and authentic content about my journey.
Physically I do a lot of walks on the beach, hiking, camping, swimming, and body exercises like Yoga and Gym ball workouts to strengthen my back. Sometimes it freaks me out not knowing how safe these exercises are for my back, but trusting in God I do them hoping they will do half of what a physiotherapist can do.
It gives me great joy to know that I am not alone and that I can share my failings and successes with people going through similar situations. At this point in my life, I have no idea what I want besides continuing to ignite hope in those who have given up on life.
“Only one life,
‘Twill soon be past.
Only what’s done for Christ
will last.” Reggie.